More Jokes

peter

Member
This message is very important as you could be the next victim of this
> all too familiar drug. I found the following article on the internet so
> it must be true.
>
> A warning to men in clubs-be cautious if offered a drink. Police are
> warning all men who frequent clubs, parties, and local pubs to stay
> alert and cautious when offered a drink from any woman.
>
> Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer". The drug
> is found in liquid form and available anywhere. It comes in bottles,
> cans, from taps, and in large containers called "kegs".
>
> Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade
> their male victims to go
> and have sex with them. A woman needs only to induce a male to
> consume Beer, then, invite
> him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are virtually helpless
> against this approach. After several Beers, men will often succumb to
> sexual acts on horrific looking women. They awaken with hazy memories of
> exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague
> feeling that "something bad" occurred.
>
> Some men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a common scam
> known as "a relationship." In extreme cases, the female may shrewdly
> entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term of servitude referred to
> as "marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is
> administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.
>
> Please forward this warning to every male you know. If you are a
> victim of Beer and the women administering it, there are support groups
> where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with other
> victims.
> For the support group nearest you, look in the Yellow Pages under
> "Golf Courses".
 

peter

Member
Once upon a time, (This joke made me think of that frog nipper.)
> >
> > ~~~~~~~
> >
> > in a land far away,
> >
> > ~~~~~~~
> >
> > a beautiful, independent,
> >
> > ~~~~~~~
> >
> > self-assured princess
> >
> > ~~~~~~~
> >
> > happened upon a frog as she sat,
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~
> >
> > contemplating ecological issues
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~
> >
> > on the shores of an unpolluted pond
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~
> >
> > in a verdant meadow near her castle.
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~
> >
> > The frog hopped into the princess' lap
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~
> >
> > and said: Elegant Lady,
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~
> >
> > I was once a handsome prince,
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~
> >
> > until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~
> >
> > One kiss from you, however,
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~
> >
> > and I will turn back
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~
> >
> > into the dapper, young prince that I am
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~
> >
> > and then, my sweet, we can marry
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~
> >
> > and setup housekeeping in your castle
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~
> >
> > with my mother,
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~~
> >
> > where you can prepare my meals,
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~
> >
> > clean my clothes, bear my children,
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~
> >
> > and forever
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~
> >
> > feel grateful and happy doing so.
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~
> >
> > That night,
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~
> >
> > as the princess dined sumptuously
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~
> >
> > on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~
> >
> > seasoned in a white wine
> >
> > ~~~~~~~
> >
> > and onion cream sauce,
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~
> >
> > she chuckled and thought to herself:

> >
> > ~~~~~~~~

> >
I don't friggin think so
 

peter

Member
peter said:
This message is very important as you could be the next victim of this
> all too familiar drug. I found the following article on the internet so
> it must be true.
>
> A warning to men in clubs-be cautious if offered a drink. Police are
> warning all men who frequent clubs, parties, and local pubs to stay
> alert and cautious when offered a drink from any woman.
>
> Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer". The drug
> is found in liquid form and available anywhere. It comes in bottles,
> cans, from taps, and in large containers called "kegs".
>
> Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade
> their male victims to go
> and have sex with them. A woman needs only to induce a male to
> consume Beer, then, invite
> him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are virtually helpless
> against this approach. After several Beers, men will often succumb to
> sexual acts on horrific looking women. They awaken with hazy memories of
> exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague
> feeling that "something bad" occurred.
>
> Some men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a common scam
> known as "a relationship." In extreme cases, the female may shrewdly
> entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term of servitude referred to
> as "marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is
> administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.
>
> Please forward this warning to every male you know. If you are a
> victim of Beer and the women administering it, there are support groups
> where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with other
> victims.
> For the support group nearest you, look in the Yellow Pages under
> "Golf Courses".
Brad will really like this one.:beer:
 

Brad

Member
Deja-Brew

Hmmm ... where did I see this one before :confused: .... ;)

Good one Pete! ... but it ain't gonna put me off the suds ... just may wanna put on one of them tamper proof, male chastity belts :lol:
 

cleopatra

Member
A New Yorker goes to Texas and walks into the hotel restaurant. Says, "Give me steak, Please." The waiter brings him a 76 ounce steak. The man says, "That's big enough for a whole family." Waiter says, "Well, everthang's big in Texas."

Man asks the waiter for a glass of beer and the brings a glass the size of a washtub. Man says, "That's the biggest beer I've ever seen!" Waiter says, "Well, everthangs big in Texas."

Man drinks that one and one more and is pretty drunk. He gets up and stumbles down the hall to go to the bathroom but instead of going left into the bathroom he goes right into the pool room and immediately falls into the swimming room.

Now he's splashing around when someone else approaches the pool to take a swim. The man looks up with a horrified look on his face and the words of the waitor keep coming back to him, "everthangs big in Texas."

Gasping for air he yells out "For God's sake, don't flush it!"
 

Karnac

Member
On hearing that her grandfather had just passed away, Jenny went straight to visit her grandmother.
When she asked how he died her granny explained ," He had a heart attack during sex on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Jenny suggested that having sex at the age of 94 was surely asking for trouble.
"Oh no," her granny replied,"we had sex every Sunday morning, in time with the church bells-in with the dings and out with the dongs."
She paused and wiped a tear.
"If it wasn't for that damn ice cream truck going past, he'd still be alive."
 

Maggie

Member
Hey LT,

What d'ya do? Put a full page ad in the paper this morning? There's 34 guests viewing 121 right now. :)
 

peter

Member
There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their asses!



I thought the results were pretty interesting

85% of women think their ass is too big...



10% of women think their ass is too little...



The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway
 

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