Joke of the day

peter · May 18, 2004

I'm not a cook, or a computer tech, or the owner of a laundromat.
I don't live with my parents, I don't eat dog. I don't drive a souped-up Civic.
And I don't know Ping, Ching or Wing from Beddingt Heights
Although I'm certain they're very rice... I mean nice people.

I use chopsticks, not a fork. I rarely drive on the sidewalk.
I believe in giving cash, not gifts
And I pronounce it HELLO, not HARRO.
I can proudly wave my country's flag at a tank during a massacre,

Dim sum IS brunch, Gwai-Los ARE white folk
Jet Li can kick Van Damme's ass anyday.
And it IS pronounced Gon Hay Fa Choi, not Gon HEE Fa

China is the LARGEST country in Asia
The FIRST nation of PING-PONG,
And the BEST remaining COMMUNIST COUNTRY!!
My name is FUNG!!!
AND I AM CHINESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

peter · May 18, 2004

And Finally:
Allo,
I'm not a cab driver, a 7-11 clerk or a gas attendant.
I don't go to fleamarkets, or worshipelephants, or eat with my hands.
And I don't know Akbar, Rampreet or Mohammed from Rundle,
Although I'm certain they're very smelly people.

I eat roti....not pita. I don't only shower once a week,
I believe in discounts, not full price.
And I pronounce it WHAT, not VHAT.
I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car during a terrorist siege.

A turban IS an article of clothing.
Spicy foods ARE better than mild foods
Curry is a VERY tasty dish,
and it IS pronounced Gaun-dee,not Gun-dee ,GAUN-dee!!

Pakistan IS a third world country,
The first nation of Cricket
And the BEST part of the middle east!!
My name is Raheem!
AND I AM PAKISTANI!!!!

Teufellj · May 18, 2004

Petre

Hey Peter, I wasn't aware that you work in an aircraft fab shop where they put dope on the fabric to stiffen the material.
Did they make you work overtime today? :lol:

From the alleys of Ohio....Teufellj

Beaker · May 18, 2004

I have a "I am NOT Canadian" one.

I am NOT Canadian

I'm not unemployed or smuggling cigarette across d'a border
I don't eat Pepsi for breakfast
I don't watch d'a hockey game doing it doggy style
And no I don't know Claude, Magnon or Francois in Abitibi-Temiscamingue, but I'm sure d'ey all have nice teeth.

I smoke in church
I speak quebecois and joual not French or h'english
I pronounce it T'URD not TH-ird
and eating French Fries with cheese makes sense mon ami

I believe in distinct society, as long as someone else pays for it
I believe in language police NOT equal rights and
I believe d'at Club Super Sex is h'an appropriate place for my wife and me to celebrate our anniversaire -- WHAT D'A HELL SHE GOES ON AT 10:00 ANYWAY!

In Quebec d'a Stanley Cup actually comes around more often d'an Halley's Comet
I can get beer at d'a depanneur NOT d'a convenience store
And maybe I can't turn right on a red light BUT I-CAN-GO- RIGHT-'TRU-IT

Because Quebec is d'a worlds largest producer of maple syrup
D'a h'ome of Celene Dion AAAAANNND Roc Voisin
D'a land where everybody is shackin' up
AND d'a legal drinking age IS JUST A SUGGESTION

JE M'APPLELLE GUY AND I-H'AM-NOT-CANADIAN

sorry to my friends for the missing accents and spelling

The whole thing is very funny
:lol:

charles2 · May 18, 2004

Beaker said:
I have the French-Canadian one -

I am NOT Candian

I'm not unemployed or smuggling cigarette across the border
I don't eat Pepsi for breakfast
I don't watch the hockey game doing it doggy style
And no I don't know Claude, Magnon or Francois in Abitibi-Temiscamingue but I'm sure they all have nice teeth.

I smoke in church
I speak quebecois and joual not French or h'english
I pronounce it TURD not TH-ird
and eating French Fries with cheese makes sense mon ami

....<more here>

Je m'appelle Guy and I am NOT Canadian

sorry to my friends for the missing accents

This whole thing is very funny

hohohohohohohohohohh :lol:

Beaker · May 19, 2004

bump

Peter, and everyone

Take a look at the 'I am NOT Canadian' one I posted.

It's good :lol:

Brad · May 19, 2004

hohohohahahaheheheee ... :lol:

... my gut hurts!

johnph77 · May 21, 2004

Hispanic ESL Q&A

Q: Use the word "Toronto" in a sentence.

A: When you heet de baseball you have Toronto first base.

colonel4 · May 21, 2004

Beaker, Roc Voisin is from New Brunswick. Just thought you would like to know.

Beaker · May 21, 2004

colonel4 said:
Beaker, Roc Voisin is from New Brunswick. Just thought you would like to know.

There you go.

I just transcribe them I don't write them :agree:

Sheba · May 22, 2004

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a bottle. She picked it up and rubbed it, and 'low-and-behold'
a genie appeared! The amazed woman asked if she got three
wishes.
The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a
storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be?" The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."
The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good but not THAT GOOD!
I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is great in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for ... a good man."

The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see that freakin' map again..." :lol:

Sheba..

Sheba · May 29, 2004

Man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to a beautiful, you guessed it, blonde.

The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

Never-the-less, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any

longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

Sheba__ :bouncy:

~~~

Irvin · May 30, 2004

There is this guy who walks into a bar and notices a man 12 inches tall playing the piano. He asks what it is all about and the barman tells him he'll tell him later.

So he asks the barman for a drink and the barman says, 'Before you get your drink you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make a wish.'

'OK,' says the guy.

He goes to the bottle and rubs it and, boom, out comes a genie, who says, 'You have one wish.'

The man thinks about it and then wishes for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke fills the room and when the smoke clears there are a million ducks crowding the bar.

He tells the barman, 'Hey, I didn't want a million ducks.'

The barman replies, 'You think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?'