lottery humour

Ben

Member
lottery humor

At a Christmas party the staff decided to pull a joke on their boss who had a habit of playing serious practical jokes on everyone else.
When he went to the toilet, they went through his wallet and found his lotto ticker and wrote down the numbers then they called over the waitress to set up a little prank.
She came back half an hour later and asked if anyone wanted to know the night's Lotto numbers, then proceeded to read them out loud before setting the numbers on the table.
The boss looked at the numbers, then casually pulled out his wallet and compared them. He became really silent, put his wallet back in his jacket and sat down again breathing really rapidly, and looking totally blown away. After a couple of minutes he pulled out his wallet and Lotto ticket again, and checked the numbers, very carefully. Then, he sculled his drink, stood up on his chair and shouted out to the whole room:
'I just want to let you all know something. I've been having an affair with my secretary for months. I don't like any of you, and I have hated working for this company. You can all go to Hell, 'cos I've just won a ton of money, and I'm leaving!'
End of job. End of marriage. End of story.



It Takes More than Brains...
CONGRATULATIONS Were Showered on Kaplan. His number 49 had won the top prize in the lottery. 'Say Kaplan," asked Goldstein, "how did you happen to pick number 99?"
'"I saw it in a dream. Six sevens appeared and danced before my eyes. Six times seven is 49, and that's all there was to it."
"But1 six times seven is 42 not 49."
"Hah? . . . All right, so you be the mathematician!"
 
Last edited:
One guy to another at the store recently... Why are they calling them quick picks?? I have been stuck behind this line for 9 minutes now!

Heard at another store offering delevery service the clerk talking on the phone....''Yes sir I can hear you..so its 2x24 beer bottles,4 bottles of red wines, 6 bottles of white wines, 1 cigarettes cartoon, 2 boxes of cigars , one 6/49 lottery ticket and one loaf of bread'' O:K: Sir so it will be 198$...The client says"But I only have 196$ to spend....please get rid of the bread"

Heard at another store....guy very seriously says''This time you better sell me a winner otherwise next time I'll buy my ticket across the street''

Heard at another store...'' Sir you just won 10$ with this ticket'' guy reply ''Are you sure...I have been playing this one for years now!!'' :lol:
 
Last edited:

Beaker

Member
Re: Not LOTTO but DAYooooo!!!

Robbo said:
:heul: If you want a good laugh click on the URL below:-

Best Wishes to everyone,

Robbo.
:lol: :lol: very funny Robbo - thanks for that link
 
Last edited:
Heard at the store this morning.....One guy said...''The best way to win the 6/49 is to play the 6 numbers that we think can't come up''....The guy next to him reached into his pocket and showed him his ticket saying...''Then just play these 6 numbers'' :lol: :lol:
 
Heard at the store about 15 minutes ago...''I'll have one Banco ticket for tonite's draw'' The clerk replied''Why aren't you playing the 6/49 like you do all the time??'' the guy replied''I just turned 50 and as far as I know I can't play that number in the 6/49''...
I'll tell you ...all kind of people go to these stores.....
:lol: :lol:
 

Beaker

Member
Dennis Bassboss said:
Heard at the store this morning.....One guy said...''The best way to win the 6/49 is to play the 6 numbers that we think can't come up''....The guy next to him reached into his pocket and showed him his ticket saying...''Then just play these 6 numbers'' :lol: :lol:
..then the next guy said, wheel Beaker's 12 Buddy :lol:
 
Heard just 5 minutes ago in the very same store...
A guy talking to the clerk...'' I'd like to play some lotteries what do you recommend??? The clerk said '' Well you can play the 6/49, The Québec/49, And the Québec Banco all at once tonite but I would tell you to play the 6/49 tonite!!''....Then a loud voice was heard coming from the beer fridge....

Play my hints...Just play them both...!!! :lol: :lol:
 
Always in the same old store...A guy arrived in there with his arguing wife and all excited he says to the clerk'' Give me 2 quick picks please...The wondering clerk ask the lady ''what is wrong with that only buying 2 quick picks'' she says '' It was not planned to stop here for that on our honeymoon trip''

In the very same store again....A very shy guy comes in and asks for a quick pick and he then says ''There's something else but I can't remember??...5 minutes pass .....the same guy comes in and buys another quick pick....then the clerk ask him''why didn't you buy them both on your first visit???'' The guy said '' Ho! It wasn't me... but now I remember what I wanted to ask you... Did you see my twin brother?! :lol: :lol:

In the same old store....an old women is picking and filling up her tickets...a guy comes in '' Sorry Lady can I borrow your pencil for a few minutes?'' She says '' Not for a few minutes but for a few bucks $$ ...no problem at all!'' :lol: :lol:
 

Brad

Member
:lol: :lol: funny stuff ppl ... there's almost enough material to start a new section, could call it LOTTO-LAUGHS.
 
A man comes into the store and asks for a 6/49 ticket.....He looks at it and say to the clerk ''Please give me another one!''...The clerk says O:K: and He gives another ticket to the guy...Then the guy look at the ticket and says ...''O:K: I will take this one instead...I just didn't like the first one''... :lol:

A guy got lost in the woods in the neighbourhood lately...He stayed in the forest for about 4 days...He was close from starving himself to death he just couldn't find any food at all..all of a sudden he found an old riffle...he then started to look at it...and BOOM a gunshot came out of the old gun.. on the bang the guy fell backward into a little stream...coming out of the running water the guy noticed that the bullet had killed a moose, a deer and 2 rabbits..so he raised both of his hands into the sky to thank god for his good fortune and by doing so he caught 2 ducks that flew over him...Then he put his hands in his pockets and they were full of trouts...He finally heard a voice ...it was a man from a search party coming to rescue him...the man said to him wow you better empty these pockets...on reaching the bottom of his pockets he found a 6/49 ticket...He then said to the man from the search party '' 07-17-23-27-35-43....''The man from the search party replied to him...''How the hell do you know what numbers came up in yesterday's 6/49???''
It is a true story...Billy Moosehead told me that!!
:lol: :lol:
 
Another of my very good friend Even Kan even ...has a nickname ''Crazy Even:devil: Evil''... He always plays only even numbers...He is a real stuntman with numbers...With Billy Moosehead:xmas:they make quite a team...But they are always arguing.... :lol:
 
A man enters the store with 100 tickets to be checked...''The desperated clerk says to him... ''Its gonna take me a while to check them all'' ...The man replies...''How did you figure out that I still have 1,000 more in my pocket??'' :lol:
 
Last edited:
A man comes in a store ....''Please play these 6/49 slips'' clerk respond...''Ho! Sorry Sir we do not have any 6/49 machine here!'' the man says...'' Well then can you tell me where is the closest store from here?''...''Yes sure'' says the clerk...'' It is 6 blocks away from here on the 49th Avenue''...Man says...'' And is-it very far from here?'' clerk says...''No just a few years away and it will cost you a few thousand dollars to reach it ...And that is assuming that you'll be able to find your way to get there''
The morning after the clerk looks at the newspapers headlines...
''Another 6/49 winner from the 49th Avenue!!'' And under the headlines... I would like to thank the man that send me here in the first place by giving him some cash $$$$$$...That is assuming that I find my way to go back there!'' :lol:
 
Top