Couldn't resist this one

Maggie

Member
Just got this in an e-mail re: War on Terrorism

You may have heard that the Canadian government has decided to
> > assist the USA in the war against terrorism. They have agreed to
> > send: 6000 ground troops, 2 of their largest battle ships
> > and 6 fighter jets.
> > After the exchange rate the USA will receive: 2 Mounties, 1 canoe,
> > and a bunch of flying squirrels

:D :D
 

daleks

Member
wonder where the nuts will come from to feed those squirrels............quebec, most likely..???hee hee hee...........or maybe from Cretien's riding.....hee hee hee.........:dizzy:
and how much do a bunch of nuts cost, anyway....hee hee hee....
 

daleks

Member
canoes from canucks....

then there are the 3 soldiers, an american, a frenchman and a canadian caught by the bad guy Indians who say to them "we will torture you and disembowel you and cause you pain,and scalp your skin and tan it but if you want - because we are really not bad guys - we will spare you that and give you one last request.......and the American goes first,,,,asks for a sharp knife,,,,yells " God Bless America " and slits his throat.........and the Frenchman asks for the same sharp knife and yells "Vive la France " and slits his throat,,,,,,,,,and the Canadian is last and asks for a fork......and they give it to him and, puzzled,,,,ask why do you want a fork,,,,,,,as he is busy poking holes in his skin yelling..." you're not gonna make a canoe out of me !!....".......
 
daleks said:
wonder where the nuts will come from to feed those squirrels............quebec, most likely..???hee hee hee...........or maybe from Cretien's riding.....hee hee hee.........:dizzy:
and how much do a bunch of nuts cost, anyway....hee hee hee....
But here's another one....Chretien might think about quiting politics only if he wins the Super 7!!! :lol:
 

dwoods99

Member
hot air balloon

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

:D
 

dwoods99

Member
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

:D
 

dwoods99

Member
An elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for dinner
one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms-- Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."

The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said, "I forgot her name about 10 years ago."

:D
 

dwoods99

Member
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to
swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow
a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him." . . .
 

dwoods99

Member
Hot off the press...

Someone asked an American:
--- "What proof do you have that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?"

The American replies:
--- "We kept the receipts."
 

dwoods99

Member
The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked,
"If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"

"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.

"Will you use it to gamble?"

"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."

"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"

"Are you NUTS! I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars.
Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner
cooked by my wife."

The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for
doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."

The man replied, "Hey, man, that's okay. I just want her to see
what a man looks like who's given up drinking, gambling, and golf!"

:D
 
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