Canada Day Humour

[Maggie]

These questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website

>Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
>A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

>Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
>A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

>Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
>A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. . .

>Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
>A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
>Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

>Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
>A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

>Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
>A: Only at Thanksgiving.

>Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
>A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

>Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense rattlesnake
>serum. (USA)
>A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely handled and make good pets.

>Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
>A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

>Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
>A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

 

[charles2]

 

[Brad]

That's good Maggie ... have you seen this one?

I want to be a CEO or at least VP, I want to live in a mansion, drink champagne and own a BMW.

I wouldn't want to know Jimmy, Suzie or Sally from Canada, unless of course they're willing to work for minimum wage as computer programmers. I have a prime minister but secretly want a president. I speak English and broken French, which doesn't make me all that different from Americans who speak English and broken Spanish. And I hardly ever say "eh".

I could proudly fly my country's flag, but like everyone else I don't. I believe in doing business with dictatorships, not peacekeeping; diversity, not assimilation, unless of course we can preach one and do the other. And that the beaver is an idiotic mascot that most of us have never seen but would be willing to wear. A toque is a hat, also worn in cold U.S. cities, and a couch is a couch is an IKEA.

And it's spelled Centre. OK. Not Center. Centre, because we like to think we're still under British rule. Canada is the second-largest mostly-unoccupied land mass, the first nation to lose hockey and the most insignificant part of North America.

My name is James and I want to be an American.

(credit to james hörner)
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here's what the 'real' Joe Canadian from Molson had to say:

I'm not a lumberjack or a fur trader. I don't live in an igloo, eat blubber or own a dogsled.

I don't know Jimmy, Suzie or Sally from Canada, although I'm certain they're very nice. I have a prime minister, not a president. I speak English and French, not American. And I pronounce it "about" not "a-boot."

I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack. I believe in peacekeeping, not policing; diversity, not assimilation. And that the beaver is a proud and noble animal. A toque is a hat, a chesterfield is a couch.

And it's pronounced Zed. OK. Not Zee. Zed. Canada is the second-largest land mass, the first nation of hockey and the best part of North America.

My name is Joe and I am Canadian.

Take your pick ... I think Canadians are one of the best when it comes to poking fun at themselves ... and Happy Canada Day

 

[Maggie]

You betcha!!

 

[luckystrike]

I LOVE IT WHEN THE HUMOR STARTS TO FLOW ON THE FORUM....NICE ONES MAGGIE AND BRAD!!!

HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT AMERICANS ARE ABSOLUTELY AMAZED THAT ARE CARS AREN'T COVERED WITH A THOUSAND SCRATCHES FROM DRIVING IN ALL THE BUSHES UP HERE


EHHHH