Another Joke of the Day!

S

Sheba

Member
The Tax Office sends their auditor to a synagogue. The auditor
is doing all the checks and then turns to the Rabbi, and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
"Yes," answered the Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he
asked.

"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up
and when we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and then, they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he'd go on, in his obnoxious way.

"Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do
with the crumbs from the matzo?"

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up all
the crumbs from the matzo and when we have enough, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a whole box of matzo balls."

"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the
Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the
foreskins from the circumcisions?"

"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick like you.":dance1:

:lol::lol::lol:


Sheba..:dog:
 
S

shirazbai

Member
An old Florida farmer decided to visit a pond in the back of his property that he had not visited in a long time. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he discovered a bunch of young women were skinny dipping in his pond. He politely made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end of the pond.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The farmer replied, "I didn't come down here to see you skinny dipping. I'm just here to feed the alligator."
 
S

shirazbai

Member
since the talk was of cats in Iamswamee's thread .... :)

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:

7:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
12:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
7:00 pm - OH BOY! PLAYING BALL! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 pm - OH BOY! SLEEPING ON MASTER'S BED! MY FAVORITE!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:

DAY 183 OF MY CAPTIVITY- My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. Pricks. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors, by weaving around their feet while they were walking, almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs next time. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile bastards, I again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair.

Note-to-self: I think I'll try crapping under their bed, too. Wonder how long it'll take them to find it?

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Damn! Not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of ellergeez." Must learn what the Hell this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.

He must obviously be a bloody half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, appears to have become an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is preserved. But I can wait; it's only a matter of time ... the sonuva*****.
 
I

Iamswamee

Member
Family tree

The family tree

Many, many years ago
When I was twenty-three,
I got married to a widow
Who was pretty as could be.

This widow had a daughter
Who had hair of red
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mom.
And it surely makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She is my grandma too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!
 
S

shirazbai

Member
... on that note, remember this oldie ? I did my own version of this about two years ago, had a good laugh with my own family. Then did one for work too, sort of before/after, now and after retirement. Had laughs for a good month. One of my co-workers saved a copy and brings it out every now and again, just to get everyone going again. Nothing better than laughing at oneself. :)
 
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S

shirazbai

Member
The Mole family

A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole.

One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says,

"Yum! I smell maple syrup!"

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says

"Yum! I smell honey!"

The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way so he says,

"Geez, all I can smell is....





Get ready.....








Scroll Down....












MOLASSES! :D
 
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